


Bless the coupons

by Dragonfly789



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8130622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonfly789/pseuds/Dragonfly789
Summary: Every cashier undergoes a hazing ritual with tiresome customers; a test of their mettle and ability not to introduce their foot to their mouth.For Eren and his dreams of destroying the cool kids' clubs, his trial comes in the form of Reiner and Bertolt, who arrive not just as members of what he'd sworn to end, but as customers with a willingness to use coupons. Lots of 'em. Internal raging ensures.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a series of funny tweets by LSJ, who also kindly encouraged me to publish it.

 

It has only been two days since he started the job, but Eren works on autopilot now.

Customer service 101 is ingrained into his muscles.

 

Appear if not friendly then at least not angry, take barcode scanner, find the barcode, scan, repeat for every object.

Items: Chocolates, whipped cream, strawberries, carrots, chillies, a shirt, condoms, plasters…?

Ignore distractions; wondering what they are going to be used for is not needed. Tally, receive the money, cards or whatever.

“That’ll be 31.50.”

Give change as necessary, done. Repeat for the next customer.

 

The things you do to take down the villainous scum of wretchedness that is the St. Albert Of Trapani ( or more colloquially known as the St AOT ) high school sports club.

 

The next two customers arrive, pushing a trolley overburdened with clothing, food and various other articles. Eren does not care about such trifles; only his greater goal. This job is a means to the end, even if it will take a long way to the end with the 8 dollars per hour pay. He does take a moment to size them up, though.  A lanky guy with a mop of brown hair dressed rather fashionably and his blonde muscular friend wearing the jacket of some school sport’s club. A jock and geeky hipster were the next thoughts in Eren's head, right as a part of his brain that was quicker on the uptake noted: Doesn't the school logo look familiar? That thought was confirmed with just a few simple words a moment later.

“Heya Eren, nice to see you around,” said Reiner, as he and Bertolt started transferring items onto the conveyor belt. The light glinted off Bertolt's worn kickboxing club ring.

“Ermm yes, nice to see you here Reiner,” muttered Eren, a smile edging on a grimace plastered on his face. Eren followed it up with “Didn't expect to see you here, that's a lot of stuff you and Bertolt are buying,” as his real words of _Why the hell did you come to my lane, there's like 10 others?! While wearing a jacket proclaiming your affiliation with_ ** _them_** _!_ were outvoted by a thought called “not wanting to be fired.”

“Just a party in like 3 days time,” a quick questioning glance at Bertolt, who nodded a confirmation as he added a tin of cookies. “And some regular groceries. If you’re free on that day, Eren, you can come over if you want. It’s not going to last too late.”

“Thanks, but no… is that all, Bertolt?” Eren said—changing the topic—addressing who he felt to be the more bearable of the two. Eren hoped that would be everything, he was starting to doubt the ability of the conveyor belt to withstand the pressure of the little mountain on top of it. _Damned paperwork if it breaks_. “Yeah, I just need to find…hold on… sorry…’ mumbled Bertolt, having pulled out a wallet that resembled a book with the number of dividers it had, which he was currently riffling through.

“Yeah, I just need to find…hold on… sorry…’ mumbled Bertolt, having pulled out a wallet that resembled a book with the number of dividers it had, which he was currently riffling through.

‘Your…membership card?’ offered Eren, filling in the blank. _Though I’d be lying if I said I wasn't hoping you and Reiner forgot your entire wallets so you two wouldn't be here_ , he mentally noted. “No, but I got them, no worries,” said Bertolt, retrieving a wad of coupons so thick Eren was certain its equivalent in dollar bills could have been used to pay for his funeral. Eren felt almost faint.

 _Kill me now._  

Unfortunately for him, Eren had failed to disguise his reaction. “Don’t worry Eren, we’ll help, let’s start with the fruits first, 30 cents off with another 20% discount for the grapes which are 2.80 each… ,” Reiner volunteered. “Double discount Saturday as well,” piped in Bertolt. “I also bought canvas bags.”

Eren simply reached out to scan the first of the grapes and calculate the final price.

 

By the time the first five minutes were over, Eren was regretting not taking up that janitorial position. Sure, he might be dealing with shit, but at least it didn't talk. Or use coupons.

What made it worse was how Reiner maintained a friendly smile throughout and how he and Bertolt were genuinely trying to help him.

 

When it hit the ten-minute mark, Eren was seriously wondering if there was a cashier counterpart to Alcoholics Anonymous. _The crabby cashiers cross with crazy couponers club?_

 

At fifteen minutes they had finally made it past half of the pile, a fact noted with amusement by Reiner and slight embarrassment by Bertolt. Eren wished that there was someone else behind in the queue so he could hurry them along, but alas, upon seeing the pile of stuff on the belt, everyone had gone off to other counters.

 

The next fifteen minutes were spent with Bertolt and Reiner ‘helping’, Eren bagging and calculating the whole lot of the remaining items. I Need a Hero was on a loop in his mind. Eren swore he could see colleagues giving him sympathetic glances. He never thought he could feel such revulsion towards slips of paper.

 

Thirty minutes after the start of bagging and calculation process, the last items were placed into the canvas bags Reiner and Bertolt had provided. They proudly displayed cheerful lines like “Reduce paper wastage, go green!” and “Smile every single day”.

Eren was sure now that he had just done penance for every last crime he had committed in his entire life. Either that or it was all the paper he wasted before taking revenge.

“That will be... **ten bucks?!** ” Eren exclaimed, barely stopping himself from falling off his chair. “That...should have been…like three hundred.” Reiner was unable to quite suppress a grin as he paid.  “Yeah, the power of coupons. Thanks, Bert.” To his credit in Eren’s mind, Bertolt looked a tad sheepish as he accepted that thanks.  As both of them exited the store, Reiner turned around to add an “Oh yes, we’ll save a space for you at the party just in case you change your mind. Bye Eren, have a nice night!”

Eren managed to maintain a calm expression on his face, silently staring until they were well out of earshot. His colleagues noted that they learnt quite a few new swears from his rant afterwards during the Christmas party later that year.

 

_A day later._

 

“Mikasa! Glad to see you here. I’ve had a good day so far, don’t worry,” Eren said, preemptively answering the question he knew would come. “Yesterday was tiring, had to deal with some annoying customers. Today has been fine, though.”

“Ah, good,” was Mikasa’s reply, as she added the last of her purchases onto the belt. “Here,” she added as _she pulled out a wad of coupons._

“Bertolt was talking about how he’s saved a lot with coupons in the group chat yesterday night and I thought I should do the same to stretch my budget."

This time Eren did not bother hiding his reaction.

  
“Fuck.”


End file.
